and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
