please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
