he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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