She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
