Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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