On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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