Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize