I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
