what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
