my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
