Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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