Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is Oprah even human
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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