I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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