I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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