I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
