I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Someone came in the potted fern
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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