Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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