This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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