I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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