I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
