haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
