We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
