So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
