Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
