getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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