so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Small penises have feelings too.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
