she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
