either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
