are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
