He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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