I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize