Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
