so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
