dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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