Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
