Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
