It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
