In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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