theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
