At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
