Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize