I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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