I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
