thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
