i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
