Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
