I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's always time for handjobs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize