I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
