I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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