i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
