i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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