Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
