I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize