i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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