I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
