I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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