i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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