i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
