I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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