Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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