Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and she was petting her beer can
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
