Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
