Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
