He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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