Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She even gives head with a lisp.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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