That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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