I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
