My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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