i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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