my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
