Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
