you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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