At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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