ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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